Ronald Moves To Scone

The most rivetting news I heard all weekend is that McDonald’s is coming to Scone.

The local burghers have been salivating about the prospect since it was announced in June.

This is a momentous development not only for the locals but also for visitors. No longer will we have to endure the culinary catastrophe which has been Scone.

McDonald’s will give Scone’s existing premier eating spots, Subway and Eagle Boys, a run for their money.

Few villages in Australia are visited by people of such high net worth but try getting a decent nosh anywhere up the main street of Scone in the last 10 years, especially at 8 o’clock of an evening … it has been diabolical. Heaven knows how or why the local squatocracy have put up with it for so long.

At least McDonald’s tucker will be consistent, predictable, dependable, lukewarm, and priced the same as Sydney. Such qualities have been hard to find in Scone.

A welcome oasis of sophistication for some time now has been Kerv, the trendy little eatery and design/antiques gallery just over the railway line where you can get a decent cup of coffee or tea and some nibbles in the morning. It’s run by one-time Vinery honcho and sometime author Kiwa Fisher and his wife Merv who is a hot-shot in the catering business. Kerv is a bit like my local in Sydney, the Peters of Kensington café - minus the eastern suburbs yummy mummies, but with a good supply of Scone’s ex-boarding school gals with their faux English accents. In a town where one's very social survival absolutely depends on knowing everyone else’s business, I suspect much espionage is traded within its walls.

But back to McDonald’s. As a salute to the Horse Capital, I understand the Scone menu is going to have a distinctly local flavour. The expected best seller is the Equine Burger, but the ingredients will not be listed on the wrapper. In a special deal with Hungry Jack’s and the Australian Veterinary Association, equine reproduction branch, they will also offer The Big Whoppa. However, management quickly realized there would be no demand in Scone for soft serve so it’s not on the menu. Original plans called for a Darley Halal Beef Burger but this was abandoned for fear of an injunction from that Ken bloke up in Tenterfield. (Following his example, I believe there will be a class action against The Smith Family by everyone named Smith). For those upper-crust individuals wanting a superior dining experience, Maccas will have the Ramsey Burger, featuring 110% Australian beef sourced only from cattle which stupidly sprint to the head of the queue at the abattoir. Macca’s market research indicates the Ramsey Burger is a better than even chance of being a winner, though not surprisingly the customer will be asked to pay a premium for the quality. Vinery are said to be opening a wine shop right next door and the much-valued Ronald McDonald House to be set up in the district will be renamed the Messara McDonald House.

Local farms are concerned that the impending opening of McDonald’s will impact on the available pool of youth labour for the foaling and yearling prep seasons. Apparently the pay is better at McDonald’s. The same goes for Red Rooster which is also planning a presence in Scone despite the Ingham family’s sellout to Sheikh Mohammed. In recognition of coming to the breeding capital of the southern hemisphere the outfit is dropping the s out of its name.

Having now fixed up the food situation in Scone, I suggest the local patricians turn their attention to the motels.
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There must have been close to 1,500 people at Darley’s parade on Saturday. Full marks, they began proceedings immediately after the running of the Golden Rose. I can’t say whether or not Ollie Tait watched the race; if he did then he did a remarkable job of keeping his emotions in check when he addressed the crowd because if I owned Desuetude I would have been sick to my stomach.

I managed to see only the first eight of the 19 stallions paraded. No one could point me to a TV set at Darley so I had to depart for the pub in Aberdeen to watch Dorabella (NZ) run in the last at Caulfield. I don’t own Dorabella but I have a professional involvement in her career. No amount of my bellowing at the TV set helped the mare in the straight, she was a good thing beaten.

Wiser and generally younger people told me I could have watched the race on my mobile phone and therefore stayed at the parade. They’ve got to be kidding, I’m too old to cope with that technology and in any case Telstra’s coverage in and around the Hunter is pretty crappy and I don’t think I had a signal in Downtown Darley.

Saturday morning, Patinack unveiled their two new NSW stallions Husson and Casino Prince and laid on lovely food and refreshments for the guests. Had I known I would never have had that sausage and egg McMuffin in Muswellbrook on the way there. Spoiled it completely. Team Patinack were here, there and everywhere, so many familiar faces sporting the Patinack livery, lured away from other farms. Even the legendary Suni Carnes has been tempted away from William Inglis. I reckon she was there longer than Reg. One colt who wasn’t seen was Roger, word on the street being that’s likely to be a permanent arrangement.

The Valley was blessed with rain on Saturday night and throughout Sunday so those of you with mares up there rest assured there’s going to be a decent spring flush in the next few weeks. My first call was to see Murphy’s Blu Boy at Baerami, then on to Widden for their parade. Now it has been mentioned to me that it’s possible to interpret part of my previous post (see below) as suggesting that there may be a marital to-do between Antony and Katie Thompson at Widden – absolutely not the case! Antony and Katie bear no resemblance whatsoever to the subjects of that reference. They were in their usual good spirits and such was their hospitality, and the delayed effects of the 2005 Saltram Mambre Brook cab/sav, that I was late getting to Coolmore and missed their parade entirely! Sorry Coolmore, but I am surprised you started without me. Still, I was given a quick tour through the stallion barns so all was not lost.

On a serious note, I was unaware until Saturday that Scone breeder Ivan Woodford-Smith has been indisposed recently. Ivan and Senga and their Southern Cross circle have been good friends to me whenever I've been in Scone so if you happen to read this, Ivan, I hope you're back on deck soon. I will not partake of the Wednesday night flied lice ritual until you are!